Not so Deep Thoughts

I have gone back and forth many times, unsure of whether or not I wanted to blog about this topic.  Recently, people that I know and love, including my amazing Aunt Jill, have shared their stories.  They have given me courage. I put my thoughts and feelings into words, not so people will feel sorry for me or treat me differently (I most certainly do not want that), but in hope that others may relate and understand me a little bit better.

Tonight was a downright crappy night.  It was a take-yourself-on-an-hour-long-drive-while-listening-to-classical-music kind of night.  It was a lay-on-your-bed-and-stare-at-the-wall-for-forty-five-minutes kind of night. There were tears.

I have nights like these every once in awhile. I call them "depression nights".  You see, I have been taking medication for my depression for just over a year. Most of the time I feel like my "normal" (I use quotation marks because, let's be real, who is completely normal??) self. However, even with medication, bad days/evenings occur.   

When I have a "depression night" Satan swoops right in. He knows how to get to me, that bugger! Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I was being reminded that I am loved, but Satan did a pretty good job at squashing those thoughts. I felt that no one cared or understood how I was feeling. I felt like no one wanted to be my friend (which is absurd because I had been invited to join friends on an outing (am I 85 years old for calling it an outing?!)). I felt like no one would notice if I were to just stay in my room forever. Ugh Satan is such a jerk!

After an unexpected phone call from a friend, I began to feel a bit better.  I thought about all of my Relief Society sisters. I thought about how they were feeling tonight. Maybe some were feeling the way I was, maybe some of them weren't. Maybe some of them were really happy, maybe some were feeling blue. Maybe they were excited, or scared, or nervous, or all of these feelings. I knew, and do know, that Heavenly Father was aware of how each of us was feeling tonight. I prayed for each of my sisters to have peace and comfort, and that I may have the same blessing. 

Sometimes we have reasons for feeling happy or for feeling sad and depressed, and that's okay. Maybe I'm just saying this because I'm feeling a bit better now, but I'm grateful for this trial in my life because it helps me to better understand and support others.

I want to close this post by thanking you all for loving and supporting me, even if you didn't realize you were. I have been blessed with wonderful parents, siblings, and friends. I love you all!!! Here's to a sunnier tomorrow!